Releasing Kate: The Acceptance Series Page 4

  I’ve forgotten how to breathe. That was the hottest thing I’ve ever heard. He told me from the beginning he fights for what he wants. I’ve only seen Daniel’s sweet side, his romantic side, his wooing side. I’ve never seen his possessive side, his alpha side, well, never outside of the bedroom. I’ve heard stories from Connor, though; I guess I didn’t give them much thought.

  Daniel grabs my wrists and holds them above my head, pinning them to the wall. His mouth descends upon mine and I open for him greedily. His body pushes against mine and his arousal is evident. My panties are soaking wet. He alternates his hold on my wrists, now holding them both with one hand as he works his way to the button on my jeans with the other. With amazing finesse, he’s popped them open in a second flat and slides his fingers down into my panties where he finds my clit hard and aching for his touch. The entire time he continues to kiss me, swallowing my moans and squeals of desire. He eases two fingers into me and circles my clit gently with his thumb.

  His lips leave mine only to create a searing trail across my neck and up to my ear.

  “That’s it, baby, fuck my hand like you would fuck me. Let me make you feel good, Kate. Let me hear you scream.”

  Just as I let go and come on his hand harder than I ever have before, he covers my screams with his mouth. His tongue chases mine in a passionate duel as he slowly pulls his hand back out of my panties. One by one he licks his fingers, enjoying every bit of my arousal, and not once does he break eye contact. It’s a highly erotic thing to watch a man enjoy you like that.

  “Hot damn,” escapes my lips but I can’t help it, he’s really not making this easy for me.

  “I’ve got a meeting in the morning, so I’m heading back home now. Remember who made you wet tonight, Kate. That would be me, not Mike. I bet Mike’s never made you as wet as I just did. I bet he’s never made you come that hard or that fast, either. Do you know why that is, Kate? It’s because you belong with me—your body knows it, your heart knows it, now your mind just needs to catch up. I love you, Kate, and I’m not giving up. I’ll give you some space… for now…but I’m going to win your love back. We will have our happily ever after and you will start wearing your ring again. It’s upstairs in your jewelry box when you’re ready to put it back on your finger. Remember, Kate, this works both ways. I’m just as much yours as you are mine. I’m not going anywhere; I would wait for you until the end of time, but please don’t make me.

  He backs up and takes off his jacket and then his t-shirt. It looks like he’s got a bandage over his shoulder, but before I can check it out, he quickly pulls his jacket back on and zips it up. He hands me his t-shirt. “This is for when you need a reminder that I’m here and I’m not giving up on you. Goodnight, gumdrop.”

  He places a light kiss on my forehead and exits without looking back. Holy hell. How am I ever going to fall out of love with him? This is so unfair.

  After a short internal debate of whether I need a wineglass or just want to drink from the bottle, I grab a bottle of wine and a glass and head to my room. After texting Jess to let her know Daniel left, I also text Vanessa, letting her know I’ll call her tomorrow and fill her in about how today went and figure out move details. I feel bad I didn’t talk to her today but I can’t deal with that tonight on top of everything else. All I want is a long soak in the tub so I can wash this day off my skin. Then I’m going to put on Daniel’s shirt and wrap myself in his love one last time. Unfortunately, before I even get the chance to turn the water on, my phone goes off in a succession of text messages. Responses from Jess and Vanessa, as well as a message from Marc, asking if we’re still on for lunch tomorrow and a message from Mike; I need to program his number in.

  Unknown number:

  Thanks for having Jess give me your number. We’re on our way back but would it be okay if I get that journal from you tonight?

  I save his number and hit reply

  To Mike:

  Of course just come on up to my room when you get here.

  I respond to Marc, letting him know I’m skipping my morning class but I’ll meet him at our favorite park and bring lunch with me.

  So much for my bath; there’s no time, so I opt for a quick shower instead. While the water heats up, I pour myself a glass of wine and take a long drink. Wine is nectar from the gods and I drink almost half the glass before hopping in the shower. I know that doesn’t sound bad but one of my glasses can hold almost a full bottle and I filled it to the rim.

  Once I dry off, I put Daniel’s shirt in my drawer since I can’t wear it in front of Mike, and barely have a chance to get a pair of sweats and a tank top on before he knocks on my door. When I open it to let him in, I smell him before my eyes even land on him. Shit, Jess and Connor got him drunk. Not that I blame him; that’s exactly where I’m headed right now, too, isn’t it?

  “Hey, Katie Grace,” he slurs as he leans against my doorframe for balance. Jess and Connor are behind him and both mouth ‘sorry’ to me. I motion for Mike to sit on the bed and he stumbles toward it. Hearing him call me Katie Grace takes me back to a place where things were so simple for us all. I miss that place.

  “Sorry, Kate, we couldn’t keep him sober. You’ve both had a rough day,” Connor says, motioning to my wine glass.

  “It’s fine, I understand. Guess we’ve got a houseguest for the night,” I reply

  “No, isssokay. I’ll sleep in my truck. I’ve done it before, it’s not a big deal. Well, in my Porsche not in my truck, but my truck is much more comfortable.” Mike’s babbling while his eyes scan my room.

  “No, you can stay here; I’m not letting you sleep in your truck,” I state firmly

  “Let us know if you guys need anything. Goodnight.” Jess blows us a kiss as she closes the door behind them. Now we’re alone in my room for the first time in years.

  “Are you okay?” I ask him, although I know he’s anything but.

  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again,” he says sadly

  I nod my head because there’s really nothing to say. I’m not okay, either, hence the wine I continue to drink.

  “How about you, Kate? Are you okay? I’m guessing it didn’t go well with Daniel from the text I got.”

  “He texted you?” I’m surprised, but with the way he was acting I probably shouldn’t be.

  “Oh yeah. He’s not too happy I kissed you. He thinks I’m trying to take advantage of you,” he answers sheepishly.

  And this is why I can’t be with them—either of them—in that way. Only friends. It’s going to be a constant pissing match as it is. I know how Mike acts with Marc, and Daniel sure showed his possessive side tonight.

  It was so freaking hot.

  “I know you’re not taking advantage of me.”

  “No, I’m not, but I want you, Kate. I need you. Am I too late or do I still have a place in your heart?” he asks, peering up at me with those beautiful blue eyes of his. I’ve been in love with his eyes for as long as I can remember.

  Taking my time to finish off my glass of wine, I mull over in my head how best to answer his question.

  Honestly.

  “Mike, you shattered me when you left, but more than that, you shattered us. And then by some miracle you found a family, you found a job and a home and created a life. And I am so proud of you.”

  I take his hand in mine and squeeze, trying to pull strength from him to finish what I have to say.

  “That doesn’t change the fact that you left me. You broke me, my heart, my trust, my soul. All broken by you. And then I had to bury our daughter without you, when all I wanted was your arms around me, comforting me. I needed you so badly, I needed to hear your reassuring words, I needed to be wrapped in your love, but it was nowhere to be found and I felt so utterly alone. You left me alone for so long, too long. Then finally, by the grace of God, I found the strength to move forward with Daniel, and that made me less angry at you.”

  He grips my hand harder and I squeeze his right back. We’re
pulling strength from each other, just like we always have.

  “I know you want to work on getting us back. Even if that were a possibility, there are more obstacles in our way to overcome than I even know where to start. You will forever have a place in my heart and that will never change. But how you fit there now, how you can fit there in the future… I just don’t know.”

  He looks me in the eyes, his pooling with tears. “I’m sorry I hurt you, I know I messed up. There’s so much to explain to you, and even more to make up to you, but I want to try. I need you in my life, Kate. I can’t lose you again. Even when I wasn’t here you were always my saving grace. Talk to Jake and ask him; he’s the only one who understood.” He says it with such sincerity I know he means it. Mike isn’t a mean guy, he just got lost somewhere along the way. I am curious as to what it is Jake knows.

  “Take your shoes off; you can stay in here tonight,” I tell him as I stand to turn on the bedside lamp and turn off the overhead light. After pulling down the blankets, he crawls in and I crawl in after him. I flip the light off and we lay facing each other in the dark, just like when we were younger.

  “It’s going to be something we have to work at, Mike. We’re going to have to talk about your past, but I know a bit about it already. We can work toward friends as our goal. I can’t promise you anything other than friends. I’m in love with Daniel… but I love you, too.”

  “Are you in love with me, Kate? Because there has never been a day that has passed that I haven’t been in love with you.” I feel the bottom of my world fall out with those words, my tears flowing freely.

  “Stop it, Mike, you don’t get to say that! You don’t get to come here and make these grand proclamations of love. I waited for you for years. I’ll never forget what you did to us, but I can forgive you.”

  His fingers trace my face as he asks his next question. “You didn’t answer me, Katie Grace. Are you in love with me?”

  This moment is surreal; it feels as if the two of us are suspended in time. How many moments like these did we share? My emotions are all over the place as I try to find an honest way to answer him. The problem is, I don’t know if my heart is being honest with me.

  “I don’t know.” And as the words fall out of my mouth, my body begins to tremble. I’m scared my reality isn’t real any longer.

  “I’m struggling, Mike. If someone asked me yesterday who I loved, I would say Daniel unequivocally owns my entire heart and soul. I’ve never believed a person can be in love with two people at once. Yet, if I loved him with my whole heart would I even be debating your question? You are one of my oldest friends and my first love. We created the purest thing love ever can, a child. I will always love you. I don’t know if I’m in love with you anymore. Today was a very emotional day and those lines are very blurred right now. All I can give you, either of you, is my friendship. After Vanessa has the baby, well, maybe things will change, but for now, I’m sticking to my decision. If you both want to be in my life, you have to give me some space.”

  “I can do that, Kate. I’ll give you all the space you need. I want to work on our friendship, and Jessica’s; you have no clue how much I’ve missed you guys. There are lots of things we have to talk about and I know some of it will hurt you. I’m sorry about that; I’ve hurt you enough for a thousand lifetimes.”

  I let out a frustrated sigh, “I don’t know, Mike, maybe I should have tried harder to find you when I found out about Lila Hope. I could have hired someone…” He places his fingers to my lips.

  “Stop it, Kate, this is not on you in any way. I chose to leave, I chose to take off, I chose not to come back after that text message. All my choices, all my regrets, all on me.”

  Text message?

  “What text message are you talking about? I never got a text message from you.”

  “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it; it was a stupid thing to do, anyway. I’ll tell you about it another time.” The sadness in his voice is unmistakable and I don’t want to push it further. Some things should just be left alone right now.

  “Mike,” I whisper to him

  “Yeah, Kate?” he whispers back.

  “I’m glad you’re back, I really missed you.” I didn’t even realize how much, but since he’s back, even with all the turmoil, I’ve had a peacefulness I didn’t know I was missing.

  “I missed you, too. Thank you for giving me a second chance.”

  “There are no chances among friends, just forgiveness.”

  “Goodnight, Kate.”

  “Goodnight, Mike.”

  A peaceful feeling washes over me as sleep comes to claim me. I know some people would judge me for letting Mike sleep in my bed, but it’s innocent. I’m sure Daniel won’t see it that way, but I don’t care. I need this tonight and so does Mike.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  KATE

  When I wake up in the morning, Mike is still asleep; he looks so peaceful. Mike has grown into such a strong man. The last time I was with him we were still kids and now he’s this muscular, tattooed, gorgeous man. I try not to wake him and quietly get out of bed and head downstairs for some coffee. It’s only six am but I guess my body was becoming accustomed to those early morning text messages from Daniel. Which reminds me to turn my phone back on; it’s powering up as I enter the kitchen.

  “I don’t think I approve of you having sleepovers with random men in your room, young lady,” Connor quips as he pours a cup of coffee. At least he’s smirking.

  “Nothing happened,” I reply dryly, reaching out my hand for the cup he’s offering me.

  “You sure about that?” he asks, concerned.

  I shoot him my ‘are you fucking kidding me’ look but he’s still waiting for an answer. It’s too early for this. He can at least wait until I get some coffee in my system for an answer.

  “Look, Kate, I know you and Mike both were in a very emotional place yesterday. You know better than anyone that emotional connections bond people. How do you think Daniel would feel knowing Mike not only slept in your room last night, but in your bed after he left?”

  “I’m sure he won’t be happy about it, Connor, but that’s my business. For the record, I told Mike the same thing I told Daniel. I’m not choosing between them. I’m going to be friends with both of them. They’re going to have to get used to it because that’s the point of all of this, for us all to be friends.

  He looks like he wants to say something more but decides against it when my phone starts beeping to alert me of all my missed messages. I’ve got voicemails from my dad and Vanessa. My dad says he released a statement this morning personally and that the media shouldn’t need to talk to me or Mike.

  Thank God.

  Vanessa just wants me to call her back. Then there’s a text from Daniel.

  Your Boyfriend:

  I hope you slept well last night. Have a good day. I love you. Now. Always. Forever.

  Maybe I should take a vacation, a temporary leave from school. If I did that, I could get away from all of this. I just need some space.

  “I’m not trying to upset you, Kate. I get why you’re doing things the way you are. I also know how much it’s hurting you to have to do it. But what I haven’t figured out yet is if you’re doing it to take the easy way out so you don’t have to actually choose, or if you’re really doing it in everyone’s best interests.”

  His words tear at my heart; I’ve asked myself the same thing. “It’s probably a little bit of both. I do truly believe with all my heart that this is for the best. Growing up, Mike had acquaintances, but Jess and I were his only friends—his family—and he was ours. When he ran from us, I still had Jess but he had no one until he met you guys.”

  He looks at me with understanding in his eyes. “That’s true. From what I’ve seen, we were his only friends. Once, in all the years I’ve known him, he let someone else in and that was Misty. Other than that, we’ve been it for him.”

  “Exactly, we can’t take that from him, Connor
. Mike’s proud and protective. He would give it all up for a chance to be a couple again. While I admire his drive, and Daniel’s, to get what they want, that doesn’t change anything. Girls come and go but friends are forever. Bros before ho’s and all that.”

  That earns me a smile from Connor “Kate, what about your wants, who you love and want to be with? When do you start looking out for you?”

  “Right now, I’ve spent a long time mourning the loss of Mike and Lila Hope. I’ve accepted that and now that I have Mike back in my life I feel like… like I’m free? I don’t have to hold those burdens close to my heart anymore. I’ve got no need to grieve, to hope, to wonder what if. As much as it hurts to lose Daniel, and it does hurt, more than I’m willing to admit. We’re all going to be better off, eventually. They won’t stay mad at each other forever.”

  “So you’re just going to pretend you don’t love them?”

  I think about that for a minute but there’s no way I could ever do that.

  “No, I’m just going to love them enough to let them go.”

  He shakes his head. “They don’t want to let you go. But hey, once Vanessa pops out the baby you never know, maybe she’ll get whoever back in her greedy little claws and they can all be a happy little family.”

  I swallow over the lump in my throat at his words, letting his meanness slide “That’s what I hope for. Every child should start life off with a family, a happy one at that.”

  “Will you take who’s left if that happens?”

  My heart screams at me in a heartbeat, but my brain is still in control for now “I don’t think so. I don’t know, maybe? It’s not something I can decide now.”

  “So what are you deciding now?” he asks with genuine curiosity