Broken Beats: An Illusion Series Novel Read online

  After getting Cadence ready for church, I take her over to Sawyer and Mel’s. Nate is waiting at the door with Mel, and he’s in his church suit, looking more like a mini Noah than I’ve ever seen.

  He holds out his hand for Cadence. “You look pretty, Cady.”

  “Thank you; I like your tie.”

  Mel purses her lips until the kids go inside.

  “Are they not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?” Her eyes sparkle. “Like, where does that even come from? It’s not like we teach him that kind of stuff. He should still be in the yard making mud pies, not showing off his swagger.”

  I chuckle. “Noah and Sawyer are his fathers—nothing that kid ever does will surprise me.”

  “Fair point. Are you really going to tell Veronica you’re seeing someone already?”

  “That’s the plan, and then I’ll send her over here for the kids. Think she’ll castrate me before or after church?”

  Mel snickers. “I think she’ll be fine. It’s not like she hasn’t told you she’d be okay with you dating again.”

  “Right. Saying it and seeing it are two completely different realities though.”

  “Mama loves you, Darren.”

  “Wish me luck.”

  “Luck, but you won’t need it.”

  The doorbell rings shortly after I get back to my house. When I open the door, Veronica flashes me a beaming smile and greets me with a hug.

  “Darren, how are you?”

  I motion for her to come inside. She’s wearing a purple dress and a matching hat. “I’m good. And you’re looking beautiful as always. How are you?”

  “I’m wonderful. I woke up still breathing and I get to take my precious grandbabies to church. It’s going to be a glorious day. Where are the little munchkins?”

  “They’re at Mel’s, but I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes first.”

  She follows me into the living room and takes a seat. “You’ve met someone,” she says before I even have a chance to sit.

  Deciding to stay close, I take a seat on the table right in front of her. “I have.”

  Blinking rapidly, she reaches for my hands and squeezes them tightly. “I’m so happy for you. Is she a good woman?”

  Veronica is an old soul. She’s always loved and accepted me, but talking to her about Haddie instead of Belle brings tears to my eyes. “You’re not angry?”

  “Before I married Marcus, I’d been alone a long time. Belle was my world, but the love of a child is not the same as the love of a partner. When I met Marcus, it was like the sun had risen after an exceedingly long winter. Each day was a bit brighter when he was around. My Belle couldn’t have asked for anyone better than you to love her, but it’s time for you to let someone in. I know it’s what Belle would want for you, and it’s what I want for you too.”

  I reach out and hug her again. “You would’ve been the best mother-in-law.”

  She pulls back and smacks me on the shoulder. “You mean I am the best mother-in-law. You’re my grandbaby’s dad and a part of my family. Now, tell me, is she a good woman?”

  I clear my throat. “It’s new, but I think she is.”

  Veronica gives me the all-knowing once over she’s mastered through the years. “You wouldn’t be telling me about her if you were doubtful. What makes her special?”

  “Her name is Haddie, and when we met, something about her spoke to me. I needed to know her. I can’t explain it, but it’s something I’ve only experienced one other time in my life …”

  “When you met my Belle.”

  I nod. “I know it seems crazy, and I promise I’m being cautious, but when I found out she lost her fiancé too, I couldn’t help but think—”

  “You’ve got an angel looking after you. Listen to your heart, Darren. It won’t steer you wrong. I told Mel the same thing and look at her now. Life’s too short not to be happy.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat. “Veronica, thank you.”

  “When you admit to yourself it’s more than ‘something new,’ I want to meet her.” Veronica leans forward and kisses my cheek. “If she’s going to be part of the family, I want to get to know her.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “You’re like a son to me. I’m invested in your happiness. Besides, if this woman is going to influence my granddaughter’s life, I need to know her.”

  “Deal.” Standing, I pull Veronica out of her chair and into a hug. That was easier than I thought it would be.

  When we get to the front door, V opens it and pauses before turning back toward me. “If she isn’t the one for you, don’t let that keep you from trying again. Happiness is emanating from you right now. I’ve missed your happy face, Darren. It’s a beautiful sight. This is what Belle would want for you. Remember that.”

  Her words sink in as she walks toward Sawyer’s. “Hey, V!” I run to her. “Cady doesn’t know, and I’m not telling her until I know this is real.”

  “I figured, but it’s good to hear it.”

  “I’ll see you guys after church. Have a nice day.”

  I find Sawyer sitting in my kitchen when I return.

  “I heard my son was hitting on your daughter again,” he smirks. “You gonna let that slide?”

  I’ve seen that look many times before when groupies hit on us. It’s crazy how times have changed.

  “I know I’m supposed to have this protective dad thing going on, but I’m pretty sure Cady isn’t the only one that kid has wrapped around his little finger. He’s a flawless mixture of you and Noah.”

  Sawyer laughs. “The teen years are going to be fun.”

  “Dude, you’ve got four fucking kids, I’ve got one. My forties are going to be a breeze compared to yours, and at the rate you and Mel procreate, you’ll have six or eight by then.”

  “Nah, Mel would kill me if I tried to have that many kids. At some point, one of us is going to have to get fixed. Enough about kids … how goes it with the new girl?”

  “Not fast enough for me to be worried about getting her pregnant. Besides, you know how I feel about that.”

  Sawyer shrugs, “Feelings change. How was your date?”

  “It was good. It’s still early, but I like her and I’m thinking positively for a change. She’s coming over today while the kids are at church. I thought I’d show her around the studio.”

  “Cool, do we get to meet her? You know Mel will be hurt if you don’t bring her by. Also, how did it go with V?”

  I lean back against the counter. “As long as Haddie’s up for it, I’ll bring her by. V was amazing; it’s no wonder Belle was so special. Cadence and I are lucky to have her in our lives.”

  Sawyer grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. “You’re doing okay then? No regrets?”

  “I’ll always have regrets, but not about Haddie. You don’t have to worry about me, I’m fine.”

  “Cool. Shawn Lucas is recording today. If your girl is a fan, you should bring her over.”

  I look up at the clock—it’s almost eleven. “I figured he would cancel since Eli’s out of town. She doesn’t follow celebrities. I’d be surprised if she knows who he is.”

  “Eli said Shawn’s eager to record and see what we have to say about his stuff. Wyatt and J are coming by, and Warren said he would try but no promises.”

  Warren is our old manager and one of our partners in the studio. He and his husband have been enjoying married life since he retired.

  “I’ll talk to Haddie and see what she says. With Jordan there, she may be more comfortable since she already knows him. Can you hang out a minute? I need to piss, and Haddie is supposed to be here soon.”

  “Yup, I’ve got nothing but time.”

  After using the restroom, I walk out of my bathroom to find Noelle with her hands pressed against the sliding glass door in my bedroom. She claps excitedly when she sees me, and although I hear the doorbell ring at the same time, Noelle takes first priority.

  “Uncle Darren!�
� she squeals as I open the door and scoop her into my arms. I step outside and make it about ten steps before Mel runs out her back door and looks around frantically with a half-naked twin in her arms.

  “I’ve got her. I’ll take her to Sawyer,” I call out.

  “Daddy! Let’s go!” Noelle cries, and Mel’s shoulders sag in relief. This is the exact reason they put a big-ass gate around the pool.

  “Thank you, Darren!”

  Noelle claps my cheeks with her chubby little hands and kisses me. I give Mel a quick thumbs-up as we head back inside, and Noelle copies me. Sawyer and Haddie are talking away as we step inside the house. Sawyer’s brows shoot up in surprise when he notices Noelle in my arms.

  “I thought you were using the restroom.”

  “Daddy, I come find you!” Noelle wiggles in my arms and reaches for Sawyer. Haddie flashes me a beautiful smile as I hand Noelle off to her favorite person.

  “I was, but we had a runner. I figured I’d let your wife know before she lost her shit.”

  Mel knocks on the sliding glass door as she balances a twin on each hip. I open it for her, and she steps inside. “I’m so sorry! Noelle, you scared Mommy!”

  Noelle giggles in Sawyer’s arms as he gives her a disapproving glare. “It’s not funny, Noelle. You made Mommy sad.”

  Noelle’s big green eyes fill with tears. “I’m sorry, but I found Daddy.”

  I take Grey from Mel to ease her load, and she sighs in relief. “Thanks, Darren.”

  “It’s okay, Princess, she’s fine. I should’ve brought her with me.” Sawyer closes in on Mel and kisses her tenderly.

  “Sorry, Haddie, it can get hectic here sometimes.”

  I cross the room to her as she looks on with a bemused smile.

  “It’s okay; I’m used to hectic.”

  I motion toward Mel and her eyes light up as she realizes who is here.

  “You’ve already met Sawyer, and this is his better half, Amelia. That beauty over there is their daughter Noelle, and this guy is Greyson, and that’s his twin, Joey.”

  Haddie reaches out a hand, and Grey grabs her fingers. “They’re all adorable.”

  “Thanks. They’re a handful at times, especially that one,” Mel says, pointing at Noelle.

  Sawyer shrugs as Noelle kisses his cheek. “Can’t help that she’s a daddy’s girl.”

  “Mmhm, sure …” Mel replies. “I’m sorry, Haddie, I think I lost my manners when I missed my morning coffee, but it’s nice to meet you.”

  “It’s nice to meet you too. All of you,” Haddie answers as Grey reaches for her. She takes a step back.

  “He won’t bite,” I tell her softly.

  “Well, he might actually,” Mel adds with a giggle.

  “Oh, well … I just didn’t want to assume it was okay. I’m still a stranger and all.”

  Mel waves off her concern. “Please, any friend of Darren’s is a friend of ours, and Grey seems taken with you. He knows a pretty lady when he sees one.”

  Haddie holds out her arms and Grey practically leaps into them. He settles his head right on her breasts, hands clutching her shirt, and closes his eyes. She’s a baby whisperer.

  Sawyer and Mel exchange glances as Haddie runs her fingers through Grey’s hair.

  Sawyer chuckles. “Are you available between midnight and six a.m.? We pay extremely well.”

  “Kids have always seemed to like me. I’m not sure why, but it helps in my line of work.”

  Mel pats the seat next to her at the kitchen table, and Haddie joins her.

  “Uncle Darren, cookie?”

  Mel looks up rapidly. “Only one, Noelle. You still need to eat lunch.”

  Noelle nods solemnly. “Okay, Mommy.”

  Sawyer follows me into the pantry as Haddie talks to Mel. I give Noelle a cookie, and Sawyer blocks the exit and grins. “You weren’t kidding when you said she looked like that model. She’s sweet too. I see why you like her.”

  “Do you think Mel’s really okay?”

  His eyes widen and he shakes his head. “Mel’s only concern is your happiness. The four of us should go on a date. I’d love to get Mel out of the house all dressed up. She deserves a fun night.”

  “Okay, I’ll see what I can do, but no promises.”

  We step back into the kitchen where Mel and Haddie are chatting away like old friends. Grey is fast asleep in Haddie’s arms, and I’m almost jealous—he’s exactly where I’d love to be.

  Noelle finishes her cookie and looks at Sawyer. “Daddy, can we have lunch now?”

  “Yup, but you have to walk home like a big girl so I can carry Grey, okay?”

  “Okay, Daddy! Come on, Mommy, it’s time for lunch.”

  Haddie watches Noelle with an amused expression. I hope she’s not at that stage where her biological clock is ticking away—this house is like fuel for needy ovaries.

  With extreme caution not to rub against her breasts, Sawyer collects his son flawlessly from Haddie’s arms.

  “Maybe we’ll see you guys later at the studio,” Sawyer says as they wave goodbye and walk outside.

  I lock the sliding glass door behind them before striding to Haddie, pulling her to a standing position, and crushing my mouth to hers. She parts her lips and sighs, and I swallow her air as if it’s my lifeline. At this point, maybe it is.

  “I’ve been wanting to kiss you since I saw you standing in my kitchen. I’m sorry for the unexpected welcome. Noelle is—”

  “Adorable. She’s entirely too cute for her own good. They’re going to have to watch that one; she’s going to be a heartbreaker.”

  I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. “You’re okay? I know it’s soon to meet the family, but someone is always here; it was bound to happen.”

  “I’m fine. It was a bit strange meeting Belle’s best friend, but she seems nice.”

  “Mel is great; you’ll love her. I’m glad you’re here.” I give her a brief squeeze.

  She looks up at me, and pulls away, tilting her head. “Isn’t that weird?”

  “Why would it be weird? I’m hoping you’ll spend a lot of time here. Do you want a tour of the house?”

  “I’d love to see your home, but I think we should talk about something first.”

  I lean back against the table and cross my arms over my chest. “What’s going on?”

  “I found out the kids are going to be in Marina’s class for kindergarten. I didn’t know you guys were in our district, or that the kids were going to my school.”

  “Is this going to affect your job?”

  She sighs. “I’m not sure. It shouldn’t yet, especially since I don’t even know Nate and Cadence. But if we get closer …”

  I step forward. “As we get closer …”

  She blushes. “Right. Once I meet Cadence, I might be able to skate around it and get a backup for her if I need one. Or I may be reassigned.”

  “Shit, babe, I’m sorry.”

  Her eyes widen, and I’m a bit surprised at myself for calling her that, but it feels right.

  “It is what it is. I just thought you should know. It’s not a big deal if what we have between us keeps progressing. I’d just hate to lose my place for nothing.”

  I reach for her hand and entwine our fingers. “This isn’t nothing. I told Belle’s mom about us this morning.”

  She gasps. “Why would you do that? That’s … huge!”

  “I don’t half-ass anything. When I decide I want something, I go balls to the wall. I trust my instincts because they’ve never steered me wrong. You’re important to me, and I’m not going to hide it. I’m just waiting for you to decide if you can handle my life.”

  She steps closer, her voice dropping to nearly a whisper. “Your family I can handle. I love that you have so many people who care about you. It’s the other stuff … the press. They’re cruel, and I have concerns.”

  I cup her cheeks in my hand and lock my gaze on hers. “I can’t change what may or may not be said about you a
nd us. What I can promise is that I’ll be by your side through it all. We’ll be a united front, and there’s nothing they can say that would change how I feel for you. I want you in my world, and I wish I could make them disappear, but they’re always going to be a part of my life.”

  “You think you’ll still feel like that when they talk about your fat girlfriend?”

  “Haddie …”

  “I’m not being disparaging. It will be a thing. There will be stories about how the last member of Bastards and Dangerous is dating a plus-size woman. People will talk shit and ask questions. Fat and beauty are not synonymous. People see fat, and it automatically equals ugly.”

  My blood boils. It’s bullshit she has to worry about this.

  “The entertainment industry is a fucked-up place. Rumors spread like wildfire, and the public is your judge, jury, and executioner. We don’t read the articles, and we don’t comment on anything unless we absolutely must. My feelings for you will never falter, and I will always put you first. No one has the right to tell me who to love.”

  She looks at me with sad eyes. “But you shouldn’t have to defend yourself, not because of me.”

  I hop up on the counter and spread my legs, motioning her to come closer. She steps between them, and I rest my hands on her voluptuous hips. “I’m going to tell you something. The only people who know this information are my band and security team.”

  She looks at me hesitantly. “Okay …”

  “Do you think people had a problem with my relationship with Belle?”

  Her brow furrows. “No, why would they? She seems like she was perfect. I’ve heard she was funny, sweet, and well-liked. Wait … you can’t mean because she was black?”

  Haddie’s eyes widen with surprise and perhaps a bit of sadness too. “Belle was all of those things. She was hilarious and full of life, she loved me like no one ever had, and I her. She was a kind, beautiful, smart, well educated, successful, African American woman, full of black girl magic, and she was dating someone the public perceives as a run of the mill, average white man who lucked out with fame. Some of her fans thought I wasn’t worthy of her. Although she got less hate from her readers, it was strong. She was a rising star in African American media, and I was the scuzzy, heavily tattooed, drummer of a rock band. A portion of her fans couldn’t understand why this USC graduate, who spent her spare time mentoring young black women would lower herself and her standards by dating someone like me.”