Broken Beats Read online

  Hi, it’s Darren from last night.

  I’m not sure why I thought I’d get an immediate reply, but it takes about a half-hour before I get one.

  Haddie: Hi, it’s Haddie from last night.

  Cool, she’s got jokes. I can work with this.

  Haha sorry, that was probably lame. How was the rest of your night?

  Haddie: It was … sad … but cathartic … healing.

  The hardest things usually are.

  Haddie: That’s true. How was the rest of your night?

  Yes! She’s engaging. This is a good sign. At least, I think it is.

  It was fine. Came home, listened to some tunes, thought of you, and went to sleep.

  Haddie: Me? Why?

  Because you make my dick jump and my head spin. I can’t say that though. I need to go with something smoother until she knows me better.

  You’re captivating. It’s been years since anyone has sparked my interest like you do.

  Haddie: Oh

  Is that a good Oh or a bad one?

  Haddie: Sorry, that wasn’t very captivating at all, was it? I’m really bad at this. It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.

  How about we be bad at it together? In person.

  My pulse quickens while I wait for her answer. Why is talking to someone new so stressful?

  Haddie: As friends … or like a date?

  Whatever you prefer. I want to get to know you, but if I had my choice, I’d call it a date.

  Haddie: We can call it a date and if it’s a bust maybe part as friends?

  Like that’s going to happen.

  It won’t be a bust, but if it is, sure. I’ve got the kids tonight. Would Friday work for you? I can do it sooner, but I don’t know your work schedule. Do you work?

  Ugh, did that sound rude? Do I care if she doesn’t work?

  Haddie: Yes, I work. I’m a contributing member of society in case it was bothering you. Friday is fine.

  Wasn’t bothering me at all. Can I make you dinner at my beach house? Sometimes going out can be difficult. I’d like to get to know you before putting you through that in case you don’t like me. It wouldn’t be kind to torture you.

  That was probably TMI, but she should know what she’s getting into.

  Haddie: That bad?

  Not so much these days, but it’s hit or miss.

  Haddie: Sure, dinner at your house is fine. Send me the address and the time.

  Would it be okay if I pick you up?

  Haddie: I’m fully capable of driving, or do you not want me to have your address?

  Damn … I didn’t think she’d go there.

  Call me old-fashioned. I might not be able to take you out yet, but I’d like to have some semblance of a real date.

  Haddie: You’re a gentleman deep down. Good to know. I’ll send you my address later. Just let me know what time. See you Friday.

  Seven sharp. See you then.

  And just like that, I have a date. A huge part of my heart feels like I’m betraying Belle. There’s another part that knows she’d want this for me. I’m not sure why, but Haddie makes me happy.

  6

  Haddie

  “Holy Christ on a cracker, Haddie! You have a date with a rock star!” It’s Monday afternoon, and Marina and I are setting up my new office.

  “Shh. I’m sure he doesn’t need everyone knowing his business, and I sure as hell don’t want people in mine. You get to know because you’re my best friend. This is only between the two of us.”

  Marina plops down in the chair across from mine with a dazed smile. “I can’t believe my best friend snagged the last eligible bachelor from Bastards and Dangerous, and you didn’t even know who he was. That’s like … an epic origin story for fairy tale love.” She sighs in a swoon-worthy way, and I swear I can see hearts dancing in her eyes.

  “I hate to break it to you, but the only origin of this story is I met a hot guy at a bar and he—”

  “Yes?” she prompts. “He what? Spill, Haddie … I’m dying here. Let me live vicariously through you.”

  I chuckle at her theatrics. “He’s got a great smile, and his eyes are as blue as the Caribbean Sea. There’s no doubt in my mind he’s a player. Dude has great game, but I gave him my number because there is something right under the surface that’s familiar.”

  She quirks a brow. “That’s it? Familiar? What does that even mean?”

  With a sigh, I lean back in my chair. “I’m not sure, but it feels like I can trust him. I wish I didn’t. He’s rich, famous, and gorgeous as sin, and I’m—”

  “Don’t say it. You rag on yourself way too much. You are gorgeous, my friend, and if he asked you out, he thinks you’re as amazing as I do.”

  “It doesn’t negate that I’m a plus-sized woman. I’m sure the press will have a field day with it. I can picture the headlines now.”

  The two of us sit in silence for a moment as the gravity of the situation sets in. She can’t tell me I’m wrong. Hollywood likes pretty people, and while I’m not a dog or anything, extra weight is still a gossip topic.

  “Haddie, ever since Richie died, you’ve been focused on your size. When you were with him, you never worried about that. I don’t know if you’re projecting your insecurities about love and life onto your size or what, but you need to stop. It’s not healthy, babe.”

  “First, that’s not true. I did worry in the beginning, but we were young and in college when we met, and I was about twenty-five pounds lighter. Second, it’s not like I haven’t tried losing weight. With all the adhesions and scars from the accident, any kind of stomach toning or firming exercise is kind of out the door. And third,” I lean back in my seat and sigh, “he’s next-level, Marina. Hollywood royalty. Anything above a size eight in his world gets people talking. I like him, but do I want to open myself up to that kind of scrutiny?”

  She frowns. “Dating any celebrity would come with a whole new world and rules. You’re going to have to always dress nice, have your makeup done, and make sure your hair perfect, which it usually is.”

  “Ugh, you’re not making me feel better. This is a disaster.”

  “Not necessarily. He’s aware of the world he lives in, and you never know how he feels about the press. I doubt he would’ve asked you out if he was concerned about it though. Besides, you don’t even know if you will click. One date at his house doesn’t seem like a big deal. Plus, he’s not a big star right now. They’re focusing on releasing bands, not putting out new music.”

  I lean forward and meet her gaze. “And you know that how?”

  Marina grins, and her eyes twinkle with delight. “Just because you don’t follow celebrities doesn’t mean I don’t. Darren and his brothers built some studio in honor of their brother who passed away. They’re helping young indies work their way up in the industry by putting an honest team behind them.”

  “See? This is exactly why it’s a bad idea to date him. Everyone knows everything about most aspects of his life. If we were to get serious, they’d know about my life. I don’t know if I want that kind of future.”

  “Well, that’s a choice only you can make. If you could have something special with him, like what you had with Richie, would you want it? This time, you’d actually get the happily ever after.” Knowing this is still a sensitive subject, her voice drops an octave at the end.

  “Yes, I think so, but his fame—”

  “Is off-putting.” She waves her hand dismissively. “We’ve established that already. What if he weren’t famous? Would you then?”

  “If we click as well as I think we will, yes.”

  “Essentially, you’re punishing him for his job. That’s not very fair.”

  And just like that, I’ve been put in my place.

  “Touché.”

  Later in the evening, my phone buzzes as I’m enjoying a glass of wine in my back yard.

  Darren: We should get to know each other before our date. Maybe it won’t be as awkward.


  I’m game … what do you want to know?

  Darren: What do you do for a living?

  I’m a child psychologist, and I work for a local elementary school.

  Darren: Wow

  Darren: I mean that in the best kind of way

  Darren: This is stupid, can we talk?

  Smiling, I press talk on my phone.

  “Thanks for calling. I tend to say what pops into my head at all times. At least on the phone, you can hear my voice and know I’m not being an ass.”

  I laugh at his nervousness and am thankful I’m not the only one who’s bad at this. “I didn’t think you were being an ass. If anything, I’m sure I’m pretty boring to you.”

  “Seriously? That’s what you think? Not at all. You went to school and got a degree. As long as you enjoy what you do, that’s all that matters. Do you like your job?”

  “I love my job. Helping kids is what I was born to do.”

  A tapping sound comes across the line, and I can fully imagine him rapping his fingers to a beat in his head like he did the night at the bar. Music must flow through his soul.

  “I must seem like a big loser to you, huh?”

  “Whoa … why would you think that? You’re one of the most successful musicians in the world.”

  “I don’t have a degree or a job anymore. Some days I feel like I’m just existing.”

  “My friend mentioned you own a studio and produce bands. That doesn’t sound like ‘just existing.’ Like you said, what does it matter as long as you’re happy? You take care of your kid and have a stable home. Are you happy?”

  He pauses, and silence greets my ears.

  “I’m content … but I want to be happy again.”

  My heart flutters at the tenderness in his words.

  “Then you will be.”

  He chuckles. “That simple? You say it and it shall be?”

  I take a sip of my wine and push back on my porch swing. “Nothing is ever simple, but it seems like we’re both trying to find the same thing. I can’t make you happy, but our journeys are similar. I’m all for walking beside you while we try to find it.”

  Darren hisses. “Don’t be so sure about that. For the first time in a long time, I want happiness again, and that has something to do with you.”

  “Why? You could have your pick of women.”

  “Yeah, but I picked you. Haven’t you ever clicked with someone and wanted to know more? That’s what I felt when we met.”

  “I’m pretty sure you tried to get into my pants.”

  He laughs heartily. “You’re right, I did. If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll still have a shot at that. What can I say? You’re hot, and I’m sexually deprived. Damn, don’t take that wrong. Let’s just not rule out sex yet.”

  “Clicking with someone is important though. If there’s no initial …”

  “Spark?”

  I take another sip of wine. “I was trying to avoid the cliché, but yeah. If there’s no spark, why try?”

  “I don’t think it’s cliché. I think it’s chemistry. You either connect with someone or you don’t. We did. At least, I think we did.”

  Everything about Darren and me is a contradiction. He’s thin and fit, I’m curvy and chunky. He’s rich, and I work for the public school system. This couldn’t be any stranger.

  “Haddie, are you there?”

  “Yeah, sorry.” I finish my wine and put the glass on the patio table next to me. “There was a spark. I wouldn’t have given you my number if there wasn’t.”

  “Really?”

  “Why is that surprising? The last thing I want to do is give some creeper my number.” He laughs until it sounds like he’s wheezing. “Care to share what’s so funny?”

  “This, us, it’s so … normal. I love it. For almost fifteen years my life has been about who I am. Women have only wanted to know me because of my status. Except for Belle. Well, she wanted to know me, but it was her job. We just happened to click too. I’m sorry if I doubted you; it’s an unfortunate side effect of fame.”

  He’s so down to earth it’s impossible not to like him.

  “It’s okay. I have my own insecurities; it’s part of life.”

  “Oh yeah? Like what?”

  It takes a second to breathe. There’s no way I can delve into my issues this fast. I’m not about to make him run yet.

  “Nothing I want to talk about right now. When I know you better, I’ll share.”

  “Deal. I have an important question to ask. Does it bother you that I have a child?”

  Oh man, that one hits me right in the feels. “No, not at all. I mean, I don’t want to meet her anytime soon or anything, but that’s completely for her benefit. I don’t think kids should meet the people their parents are dating unless that person is significantly important and the relationship is progressing into a long-term situation.”

  Darren exhales loudly. “I’m happy to hear that. Cadence is the most important thing in my world right now. I have to be careful with her heart because it’s mine to protect.”

  My eyes fill with tears. I wish every parent loved their kids and wanted to protect them as much as he does. “She’s lucky to have you. I’ve worked with kids who haven’t been as fortunate.”

  “I’m lucky to have her. She was on the bus that crashed about an hour or less before it happened. I could’ve lost both of them, but for some reason, she was spared. I’ll never take her life for granted.” Darren pauses. “This call is becoming depressing, and that wasn’t my intention. If I can confess a secret, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

  “Are you sure? I thought you were still trying to get into my pants.”

  He laughs, and I relish the sound over his sadness a few seconds ago. “That will always be a goal. You should make getting into mine one of yours. I’ve got skills between the sheets, you know.”

  “Oh my God, I’m sure you do. I mean, maybe some current STI testing should take place if this date goes well. I’m sure … well, I assume … please don’t take this wrong, but I’m guessing you’ve been with more people than me.”

  I need more wine.

  “What? You think I was a whore because I was a rock star? Haddie, talk about presumptuous.”

  “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t assume.”

  I’m completely mortified and glad he’s not here. His laugh greets my ears, and I realize he’s fucking with me.

  “I have current tests. Our label used to test us twice a year. I’ve kept up the habit. I’m also a lot more discretionary lately on who I hop into bed with. I’ve had a healthy sex life for a long time. I hope that won’t be an issue for you. If you’ve had an equally healthy sex life, it won’t bother me one bit.”

  “This is such a bizarre conversation. I have recent tests too. If we get to that point, I’ll show you. I haven’t had sex with anyone but my vibrator since the accident. I wasn’t ready.”

  Damn, that was a lot of word vomit. I know he understands, but it’s embarrassing to admit.

  “Thank you for trusting me with that information. If I push you too fast, tell me you’re not ready. I like sex, probably more than I should, but it’s not a deal breaker for me. You’re worth the wait.”

  I wish I knew him better to know if his swoon level is always this high or if he’s only like this when he’s trying to fuck someone new. My instincts tell me he’s the real deal though.

  “Thank you.”

  “I have to pick up Cadence and my nephew Nate from their grandparents’ house, but can I call you tomorrow?”

  “I’d like that. Goodnight, Darren.”

  “Night, Haddie. Sweet dreams.”

  7

  Darren

  “Run, Nate, before they get you! I’ll save you!” Cadence squeals excitedly.

  “Beat on the Brat” by The Ramones is playing all through the house and Sawyer, Wyatt, Jordan, all the kids, and me are hitting each other with inflatable baseball bats. This is one of their favorite games and likely proves we’re p
robably not the most mature dads around, but it’s fun, and that’s the important part.

  Wyatt’s son Jake and Jordan’s son Sebastian are teaming up trying to take down Wyatt. In the blink of an eye, I’m greeted with laughter and attacked from behind.

  “I got you, Uncle Darren!” Nate runs toward Sawyer to help Cadence, and I give up and collapse on the couch. We’ve been at this for about an hour, and I don’t think we’ll ever win. These kids have endless energy.

  “Whoa! What’s going on in here?” Mel cries from the entry of my living room as she places Noelle on the floor. Sawyer scoops her up, and she giggles uncontrollably. That girl loves her daddy to pieces.

  “Mommy, come beat Daddy with the baseball bat too,” Nate urges.

  Mel shakes her head but grins at the sight before her. She sits next to me, and we watch as the dads fall one by one to the floor in surrender. The kids cheer, clap, and high-five each other.

  “Okay, guys, how about you all watch a movie in the playroom.” I’m already on my feet knowing they’ll all knock out in about fifteen minutes.

  A chorus of cheers goes up, and with the exception of Nate and Cadence, they all run ahead of me. Cadence simply holds out her hand and Nate reaches for it. They walk hand in hand to the playroom.

  I look behind us to find Mel taking photos of the moment. These kids will have photos of memories they can’t possibly remember when they’re older. If they ever do get married, it’s going to make a great story for their kids.

  Once the kids are settled, Mel snuggles up next to Sawyer.

  These two are so fucking romantic. Never in an overly ridiculous way but their love shines. I suppose, if I were to fall in love again, maybe I’d be the same way. Time waits for no one.

  While the kids watch their movie, we start going over some studio business. It’s great to work with the people who are in my life every day. Impromptu meetings with the kids are the norm, and besides being convenient, it keeps us close. After about thirty minutes of discussion, I look down at my phone. I click on the video feed from the playroom and all the kids are already sleeping.