Broken Beats: An Illusion Series Novel Read online

  “Do you want to go, or …”

  “I’d rather stay here, but I made you dinner, and Ryan and Aria have plans after they drop us off.”

  Darren still has my hand in his but lets me go up the porch steps first. Just as we step inside, he groans.

  “You okay?”

  He shrugs. “I’m fine. My cock is a bit uncomfortable. Fuck, Haddie, your ass … We should go because I’m trying really hard to be a gentleman tonight.”

  Laughing, I grab my purse and toss my phone and keys inside. He finally releases my hand and pops his head outside before giving me the all clear. He grabs my hand again and leads me to the car after I lock the door.

  A pretty girl in the front seat turns toward me as Darren and I climb into the back. “Hi! I’m Aria, Ryan’s girlfriend. You must be Haddie.” She smiles, but the hulk of a man next to her practically growls.

  “Aria, babe, we talked about this.”

  Darren snorts. “Relax, Ryan, you guys are family. Haddie, Ryan is one of our top two security guards and one of our best friends. He has an issue with being friendly while on the clock.”

  “Nice to meet you, Haddie. Darren pays me to protect him. If I’m sitting here shooting the breeze, I could miss a threat.”

  “Nice to meet you too,” I answer.

  Aria smiles adoringly at her man. “Ryan, you wouldn’t let anything happen to anyone. You’re always alert, even off the clock.” She kisses him on the cheek and puts her seatbelt back on, and I do the same.

  “No, he wouldn’t,” Darren interjects.” I’ve seen this guy in action many times. He’s badass. Anyway, we’re intruding on your date night. I should be thanking you for helping me out.”

  Aria turns her head toward us. “Are you kidding? This is awesome. I feel like a super spy up here. I’m totally going to make a song out of this too. Besides, we go out all the time and you haven’t been out …”

  Ryan nails her with a look, but Darren just laughs. “It’s okay, Aria, she knows I haven’t dated anyone in five years.”

  A relieved sigh fills the car. “Sorry I almost let the cat out of the bag. I just get excited for love.”

  Darren squeezes my hand and smiles while mouthing She means well.

  Aria babbles to Ryan along the way, and I’m content to look out the window and watch the scenery fly by. The reflection of the setting sun on the ocean is sensational.

  “This is my favorite time of day,” Darren murmurs.

  I turn and give him my full attention. “How come?”

  “I’m not sure. Sawyer loves the sunrise, but I’ve always felt the best things in life happen after dark.”

  “That’s interesting. I’ve always liked this time of day because it means I can unwind. The stress of the day melts away, and I feel like I can finally exhale and be me.”

  “I can see that,” Darren answers. Ryan turns down a driveway and pushes a button to open a massive set of gates. When the SUV comes to a stop, Darren helps me out, and we say our goodbyes.

  “They’re cute. Have they been together long?”

  Darren leads me inside the house, and it’s all I can do not to gasp. Not only is it immense but it’s incredibly gorgeous. Floor-to-ceiling windows line the entire backside for a breathtaking view of the ocean. It’s a stark reminder we live in completely different worlds.

  “Maybe a year? Now that we don’t tour anymore, our security team can finally have lives too. It’s hard to settle down with someone when you’re constantly on the go. We knew how hard it was for us to date, but they didn’t pick fame.”

  “Maybe not, but they picked their career. We can’t always harbor guilt for other people’s choices, no matter how much we may want to.”

  Darren turns and pulls me close. “I’m glad you’re here. Can I get you a glass of wine?”

  He smells like the ocean and fresh air. “I’m glad I’m here too. I’d love a glass of wine. Anything you have is fine; there isn’t much I don’t like.”

  “A girl after my own heart.”

  I wander around the living room and end up in front of a shelf with some photos. There is one of him, a baby, and his arm is around a beautiful woman.

  “Does that bother you?”

  I turn around and accept a glass of red wine from Darren. “Is that Belle?”

  “Yeah, that picture is from Noah’s wedding.”

  “She’s stunning.”

  He nods. “She was. I’m sorry, I should have put it away.”

  “Why? It doesn’t bother me. She was a huge part of your life.”

  “She was, but I’m hoping we can avoid living in the past tonight. Are you hungry?” Darren leads me into the kitchen where a bottle of cabernet sits on the counter and the scent of tomatoes and garlic wafts through the air. It smells amazing. “I can have dinner ready in about fifteen minutes.”

  “Can I help?”

  “Nope, but you can talk to me while I cook the pasta. It’s nothing fancy, just spaghetti.”

  It’s surreal to watch him work so easily in the kitchen. “Did your mom teach you to cook?”

  He laughs. “She tried. I can make some family recipes pretty well. I’ve picked up a few things since Cadence was born, but Mel taught me how to make this. She made meals on the bus when we toured. Even with limited kitchen space, she managed to make things that were far better than any of the food we were eating on the road.”

  “Even at the end? I mean, you had to be eating better food by then.”

  He pulls a salad from the refrigerator. “You’d think, but no. We had some upscale restaurant meals, which were great, but it was still restaurant food. After a bunch of fancy meals, it comes to a point where you crave something homemade.”

  “Don’t let a food critic or a chef from a five-star restaurant hear you say that.”

  “Know a lot about restaurants, do you?”

  I take a sip of my wine and hum my appreciation. He smiles at my response, easing my nerves. “I know enough. Richie was a chef and dreamed of having his own restaurant.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry.” Darren tops off my wine after popping some bread into the oven.

  I wave dismissively. “It’s fine. We’re going to stumble a bit until we know each other better. I guess this isn’t the typical ‘best way to get over someone is to get under someone new’ scenario.” My laughter bubbles to the surface as my face heats.

  “Well, I’m not opposed to getting under you, or getting you under me.” He waggles his eyebrows, and I laugh even harder. I think we’ve officially broken the ice.

  “You’re a shameless flirt.”

  His blue eyes lock on mine. “Only with people I like. I don’t beat around the bush either. I want to fuck you, but at the right time and when you’re comfortable.”

  Hot damn. I have to be blushing, and the wine is not helping.

  “Can I get some water?”

  He grins sinfully but slips behind me, his chest against my back, and places his hands on the bar on either side of me. Leaning close to my ear, I feel his breath against my skin. “I like you, Haddie. Get used to it.”

  Goose bumps break out on my skin, and my nipples tighten. I’m not sure how I’m going to make it through this date with my clothes on, but I’m going to try.

  “Your pasta … I-I think it’s done,” I stammer as the water boils over the edge of the pot.

  Darren backs away and tends to the stove. Within minutes he’s plated salad, pasta, and bread for both of us. “Bar or table?”

  “Let’s stay at the bar. I like the casual feel of it.”

  He moves his stool catty-corner to me and digs in right away, but I push my food around on my plate.

  “What’s wrong? I thought you were hungry.”

  “I was. I mean … I am.” If I duck out now, can I save my dignity?

  “Do you not like spaghetti? I can make something else.” Darren pushes back both of our plates and moves to stand.

  “No, it’s not that. I love spaghetti. It’s j
ust … I have issues.” I look down at my hands and fidget with my napkin.

  “Okay,” he says hesitantly. “Talk to me, Haddie.”

  “I’m fat,” I blurt out as tears fill my eyes.

  Sucking in a breath, he steps in front of me and gently takes each of my hands. “I find you extremely attractive, Haddie. If you’re hesitant to eat in front of me, I understand. Women of all sizes seem to have the same issue.”

  “That’s supposed to make me feel better?”

  Darren throws his hands up in defeat. “I don’t know what should make you feel better. I like you exactly as you are. Food is part of life and, in my family, a way to bond.

  “I’m the only child of a Mexican mother. She cooks for twenty people when there are only three. At Christmas, tamales are a week-long process. My mom and my tias cook up a storm, and if I’m home, I help. Cadence is already learning. Haddie,” he tips my chin up and looks me in the eye, “can you let go of your fears and enjoy a meal with me?” The sincerity in his gaze is almost overwhelming.

  “I’m sorry, Darren. It’s hard being a big girl. It feels like people stare at me when I eat, and it’s only added to my insecurities.”

  He rakes his gaze over my body and licks his lips before locking his eyes on mine. “You’re what, maybe a size sixteen?”

  My eyes widen, and he grins. “Maybe an eighteen in an off brand?”

  My mouth drops, and he runs his finger across my lips. “Haddie, I’m attracted to all types of women. All shapes, sizes, colors, religions, you name it.”

  “It’s all pink on the inside, right?”

  He arches a brow and caresses my cheek. “Wow, and people say I’m crass. That wasn’t even close to what I was thinking. I have a feeling once I know more of your past, I’m going to want to kill some of your exes. You said Richie was a chef. Was he a good guy?”

  “I thought we weren’t living in the past tonight.”

  “That was before I knew we needed to set some ground rules. Answer the question.” As if sensing my hesitation, he adds, “Please.”

  “He was a great guy.”

  “Did your issues start before or after him?” He tilts his head and looks at me patiently.

  “Before. Richie had to earn my trust and get me to a place where I believed he wanted me for me.”

  He smiles. “Then that’s what I’ll do too.”

  “Darren, I saw that photo of Belle. She was gorgeous, petite, and dainty, and I’m so—”

  He presses his finger against my lip. “Don’t talk about my date like that. Belle was beautiful in her way. You are beautiful in yours. Over time, I’ve become a good judge of character. I’ve fucked around for the last few years, and that was all that I did before I met Belle.”

  “Rock stars,” I mutter.

  The corner of his lip kicks up in a suppressed smile. “It’s who I am, and I can’t change it. You got to me the night we met. Sure, your shirt hugged your gorgeous tits perfectly. Your jeans showed off your voluptuous hips and incredible ass. Your plump lips with that red lipstick … Damn, I wanted them wrapped around my cock like you wouldn’t believe. But when we talked, your eyes held so many emotions I understood. Your words conveyed the pain of a kindred spirit. I wanted to know you and hold you. The last time that happened, I fell in love with Belle.”

  “I see.”

  He locks eyes with me. “Do you?”

  I feel like such a shit. “Yes. I’m sorry about all of this.”

  He leans down and kisses my forehead. “No need to apologize. Eat dinner with me, and then we’ll light a fire and talk. Unless you want to call this off?”

  “No, let’s enjoy the night.”

  9

  DARREN

  Haddie and I have a nice conversation through dinner. I’m careful not to stare at her too much— just enough to keep her engaged. It sucks that she’s so insecure, but I’m encouraged she likes me enough to tell me her fears. One thing is for sure: she has fight. If Jordan hadn’t given me the heads-up, I think I would have been blindsided by her sudden meltdown.

  “Probably not as good as Richie’s, huh?”

  She wipes her mouth with her napkin and smiles. “Actually, it’s better. I loved him, but he put carrots and zucchini in his spaghetti sauce.”

  “That’s just wrong.”

  “Right? I’d eat it to make him happy, but it wasn’t my favorite thing.”

  She pushes her plate to the side and sips her wine. “Are you finished?”

  “Yes, I’m sorry about before. I just …”

  I top off her wine and mine. “You don’t have to explain. We’re good. One day, I may want to know that history, but let’s enjoy the rest of our night. I’ll rinse the dishes and meet you in the living room.”

  “Here, let me do it.” I snag our plates before she can. “Go, you’re the guest. It will only take me a minute.”

  “Bossy much?” she asks with a teasing glimmer in her eye.

  “You have no idea.”

  Her chest heaves as she inhales deeply, and I turn toward the sink so she can’t see my grin. Dating Haddie is going to be fun.

  Once I’ve finished the dishes, I flick on the fire and join her on the couch.

  “You realize the door is open, right?”

  “Yup, I love listening to the ocean, and when the windows are open, the house doesn’t feel so claustrophobic. But I also love a fire, so … best of both worlds.”

  She places her wine on the table and turns to face me. “Tell me about Cadence.”

  I smile immediately. “What do you want to know?”

  “Whatever you feel like sharing. What is she like?”

  I pull out my phone and show her a couple of photos. “This is Cadence and Nate playing drums and singing in the studio. They’re so fucking talented. Nate has perfect pitch, and I swear Cadence is better than me with the sticks.”

  “They’re adorable. They’re going into kindergarten soon?”

  “Next week,” I reply with a sad sigh. “It just went so fast, you know? One day she was born and now she’s six. In the beginning, I was filled with guilt because girls should have their mother and I had no desire to ever date again.”

  “Finding the courage to date again is hard.” She places her hand on my knee. Haddie’s presence is like a soothing balm.

  “After Mel and Sawyer got married, I asked Mel to be the mother figure in Cadence’s life. No matter who I end up with, if anyone, I don’t think they could love Cadence like Mel can. She knew Belle better than anyone in the world, including me.”

  Haddie hums softly for a moment. “Did Mel agree?”

  “She did, but she told me she’d step back if I found someone who wanted that role in Cadence’s life.”

  “Are you okay with that?”

  “Not really, but it’s complicated. I know Cadence needs Mel. She calls her Auntie, not Mom. If I were to remar- um … get married, I’d want my wife to be able to share the role with Mel. Each of them would be what Cady needs, when she needs it.”

  Haddie squeezes my knee. I love how she’s so tactile. It’s like she knows I need it or maybe she understands because she’s been alone for a long time too.

  “As long as you’re honest from the get-go, it should work out fine.”

  “Do you think I’m wrong for expecting that?”

  “You want the best for your daughter, and it sounds like Mel wants the same thing. She knew Belle well enough to remind Cadence of her mother’s love. I know a lot of kids who aren’t that lucky. You’re a good dad.”

  I lean forward, never breaking eye contact. “Haddie, can I kiss you?”

  Her eyes widen, but she nods. I’m not sure I’ve ever asked to kiss someone, but until she knows me, I don’t want to scare her off. I slide my fingers through her hair and pull her mouth to mine. Our lips touch, and she stills, so I pull back.

  “Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”

  “Don’t stop, please …”

  That please g
oes straight to my cock. I want her to beg me to fuck her, but I trace her bottom lip with my tongue and part her lips instead. She whimpers as I nip the soft flesh with my teeth, and her breasts heave between us. She has the most amazing fucking tits.

  Haddie laces her fingers through my hair as I dip my tongue into her mouth. She tastes like cabernet and smells like bubbles. Our tongues meet and touch hesitantly at first. I haven’t taken a kiss this slow since I was a teenager, but there’s something special about taking my time with her.

  The pace picks up as we ease into each other, and I caress her cheek. “You’re so damn sweet; I want to devour you.”

  She releases a whimper, but it’s a plea to my soul. My mouth crashes back to hers, and with my free hand, I caress her breasts. My cock hardens, but it doesn’t matter as long as I can continue losing myself in this kiss.

  By the time we separate, we’re both winded. Her lips are nice and plump from me nipping and sucking them, and her cheeks are the perfect shade of flushed.

  “Wow, that was … wow.” She giggles and buries her face in her hands.

  I pull them away almost immediately. “Don’t you dare hide that gorgeous face from me. Seeing that glow in your cheeks and knowing it’s because of me is fucking hot, and it makes me even harder for you.”

  Her eyes dart down to my jeans.

  I grin. “If looking doesn’t satisfy you, feel free to cop a feel.”

  Her blush deepens, and she reaches out her hand only to pull it back.

  “Don’t be shy, not with me. I want you, Haddie, but I’m not an asshole. I only wanted you to feel what you do to me. Whatever happens between us will happen at your pace.”

  She brushes her fingers against me and pulls away slowly. “This is probably a stupid question, but have you ever waited for anyone before? I mean, you’re kind of a big deal.”

  I lean closer and put my arm around her shoulder. “I haven’t waited for sex. Belle and I had sex the first night we met, and that’s when she got pregnant with Cadence.”

  “Oh wow.”

  “She was unexpected but not unwanted. That spark we talked about before, it hit the two of us like lightning. We were both fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants, grab-the-moment-before-it-disappears kind of people. I would’ve waited forever for her. We spent most of that year apart, but when we had time together, you bet your ass we made it count, but now …”